TL;DR
Get everyday helpers delivered free with Prime
- Fast, free delivery on millions of items
- Prime Video, Amazon Music and more included
- Member-only deals all year
In a Seniors Guide advice column dated Oct. 26, 2026, R. Eric Thomas responds to a 75-year-old man who says a 45-year marriage has become codependent and is harming his mental health. Thomas does not tell him simply to leave; he urges him to think through practical arrangements for both spouses and seek help from a therapist experienced with codependency.
Seniors Guide published an advice column on Oct. 26 in which author and columnist R. Eric Thomas responds to a 75-year-old man who says he is considering leaving his wife after 45 years of marriage. The reader describes a relationship he and his counselors consider codependent, and says the strain is affecting his mental health; Thomas advises him to plan carefully for both spouses rather than treating departure as a simple decision to pack and go.
The letter writer says his wife has experienced treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder and has undergone different forms of treatment for 30 years without success, according to his account. He says mental health professionals and close friends have told him that the relationship is damaging his mental health and advised him to leave. Those statements are the writer’s description of what others have told him; the column does not independently verify them.
He says he has stayed because of a vow, compassion for his wife and concern that she depends on him and would be devastated. At the same time, he writes that he feels neither love nor respect for her, is afraid to leave and has no family to rely on, though he has friends. He says he would like to have a healthy relationship before he dies.
Thomas expresses sympathy for the distress affecting both partners and says the marriage may have been changed by illness and caregiving pressure. He asks whether the people urging the reader to leave have helped him work out practical details, including where he would go and what he would do. Thomas suggests the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and working with a marriage and family therapist experienced in helping codependent couples.
Planning Beyond the Decision to Leave
The column addresses a difficult question for older adults in long marriages: how to weigh personal well-being against a spouse’s dependence and the commitments built over decades. The writer’s age, lack of family support and fear of leaving are part of his account, making the decision about more than whether the relationship feels healthy. It also involves housing, practical care and support for each person.
Thomas’s response is measured rather than a directive to separate or stay. He points toward counseling and a plan for both spouses, recognizing that a change in the relationship could require arrangements beyond one person’s immediate choice. The column does not establish a clinical assessment of either spouse or prescribe a single outcome; it offers advice in response to one reader’s description.
Popular right now
Dyson Ball Animal 3 Extra Upright Vacuum
Roborock RockNeo Q110H Wire-Free Robot Lawn Mower
Dyson Car+Boat Cordless Handheld Vacuum
As an affiliate, we earn on qualifying purchases.
A Marriage Shaped by Caregiving Strain
The exchange appears in Seniors Guide’s advice content for older adults and their families. Its focus is the reader’s personal dilemma, not a reported change in mental health policy, treatment guidance or senior-care services. The account of the wife’s diagnosis and treatment history comes from the husband’s letter and is not independently confirmed in the published material.
Thomas is identified by Seniors Guide as a bestselling author, playwright and screenwriter who writes the Asking Eric advice column. In this response, he acknowledges the possibility that illness and caregiving strain have altered the couple’s partnership, while asking the reader to consider what a separation would require in practical terms. He also cautions against treating the wife’s dependence as meaning the future is solely the husband’s responsibility to decide.
“I would like to have a healthy relationship before I die.”
— The letter writer, quoted in the Seniors Guide column
The Couple’s Practical Options Remain Unknown
The column does not say whether the reader has decided to leave, whether his wife has been told he is considering it, or what housing and care options are available to either spouse. It also provides no independent information about the wife’s diagnosis, treatment history or current support network. The reader says he has friends but no family to fall back on; the column does not describe what help those friends could provide.
There is no follow-up reporting on whether the couple sought therapy or made a plan. Thomas’s suggestions are advice to the letter writer, not confirmation that a particular arrangement would be suitable or that a separation will occur.
Therapy and Planning Are Suggested
Thomas recommends that the reader consider Codependent No More and work with a marriage and family therapist who has experience helping codependent couples. He also prompts him to discuss concrete questions such as where he might live and what each spouse would need if the relationship changed. The column reports no scheduled next step or decision by the couple; whether they pursue counseling or make new arrangements remains unknown.
Key Questions
What happened in the Seniors Guide column?
R. Eric Thomas answered a letter from a 75-year-old man considering whether to leave a 45-year marriage he describes as codependent and harmful to his mental health.
Did Thomas tell the reader to leave his wife?
No. Thomas asked him to think through the practical consequences and suggested planning for both spouses, along with support from a therapist experienced with codependent couples.
What does the reader say about his wife’s health?
In his letter, the reader says his wife has treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder and has been in treatment for 30 years without success. The column does not independently confirm her diagnosis or treatment history.
What remains unknown about the couple?
The column does not report whether the reader has made a decision, what living or care options are available, or whether the couple will seek counseling.
Source: rss
